Well, That Happened: Why Your New Year’s Resolution to be Healthy Will Likely Fail

By Drew Donaldson

So you’ve arrived at 2012.  Congratulations and welcome!  You made it.  While you don’t get a prize for getting here, you did get out of 2011, which is probably a reward in its own right.   So go ahead and pat yourself on the back.  While you’re at it, go ahead and resign yourself to the fact that whatever health-related New Year’s resolution you made for yourself, if it hasn’t been broken by now, will more than likely be smashed to bits in the very near future; possibly even before you finish reading this article.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but then again, it’s not like I’m exactly telling you something worthy of a spoiler alert.  Sure, you may be that rare individual that actually decides on a resolution designed to improve your health and follows through with it until you meet whatever goal you set out to achieve.  If so, you deserve a round of applause and a handful of jealous glances.  However, please keep in mind that you are most certainly the exception, not the rule.   For the rest of us, the notion of going to the gym more, or quitting smoking, or eliminating fast food effective January 1^st is a losing battle, especially once we realize that the supreme excellence of In-n-Out Burger, besides being awesome with awesome sauce (animal style, natch), is technically fast food. 

But you shouldn’t feel bad if you fall into this category of rampant failure.  I don’t like to resort to clichés like “you’re not alone,” but, well, you’re not alone.  There are perfectly rational explanations why you were only able to hold onto that resolution to eliminate soda from your diet for about 17 hours.  Especially when you consider that rationalization is the bastard son of choice. 

The biggest reason why your resolution will most likely fail if it hasn’t already is the date on the calendar.  The reasons why so many people choose January 1^st to start all of this healthy stuff is because it’s just oh so nice and tidy – new year, new month, and therefore a new start; a convergence that, on paper, looks like a bigger example of Zen than Phil Jackson on stilts.  Yet this is exactly why your resolution didn’t work.   You’re basing your decision on making a life change of varying degrees of importance not on what you are feeling, but what the calendar is telling you to feel.  This is not a good thing, because eventually, you will most likely look at the calendar not unlike the way you looked at your parents when you were a snotty teenager and scream “You can’t tell me what to do!” (Internally, of course – you don’t want to make a big scene in your office).  You will then proceed to do something rebellious, like run outside for a smoke break or reach into your desk drawer and dump the entire contents of that Doritos Big Grab bag you’ve had stashed away into your mouth.  Whatever progress you had made up to that point will have gone poof, but chances are you won’t care.

Another reason for failure is that there tends to not be much thought given to picking the actual resolution.  Most resolutions tend to be arbitrary, chosen in the last few days of December in an effort to look cool amongst our peers or something.  (Because, you know, what would the neighbors think if you didn’t have a plan at the beginning of the year to drop those nagging fifteen pounds that just won’t go away?)  The few resolutions that I’ve seen work were the ones where several weeks or months of planning and scheming were involved.  Conversely, whenever I’m at a New Year’s Eve party and I hear someone utter something along the lines of “well, I’ve been thinking what I can do for the New Year the last couple of days,” I almost feel moved to go up to the person and tell him or her to not even bother.  I say almost, because the potential for getting told off and/or slapped is a risk that I am not willing to take.

Finally, I’m guessing that there is a decent chance that occasionally, alcohol may be involved in the decision to hatch a New Year’s resolution.  Shocking, I know, considering that the holidays are pretty much the easiest time of the year to get too much of your drink on.  Now, I’m not saying that this is a huge reason behind resolutions that don’t stick, but I’d be naïve to think that there isn’t some sort of percentage of failed promises to get to the gym more was not made with a mild case of slurred speech and a slight lack of coordination.  If you so happen to fall into this category, I’m hoping that the booze that got you to that decision was high quality.  It would be a shame if your determination to start jogging in January was fueled by a $10 bottle of merlot.  Hilarious, mind you, but a shame nonetheless.

If you haven’t broken your resolution by the time you read this, then more power to you.  Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars.  I honestly hope you achieve whatever you wanting to accomplish.  However, if and when you do stumble (probably when – no offense), don’t beat yourself up too badly.  Chances are, you probably have a perfectly fine reason why it didn’t work.